Eating a hamburger

September 26, 2011 on 11:46 am | In personal | No Comments

Eating a single simple hamburger, sounds easy right? Well, at least in theory. But sometimes it is not quite that easy. The nightmares are slowly fading away, and I can share my experiences with one devil spawn of a burger.

The day started as a pretty good day. A friend was returning from a vacation, and made a trip with my wife to welcome him back. I called him on the way, and challenged him to eat a hamburger. Unfortunately he had too many excuses, but agreed to eat something else, while I feasted on the burger from depths of hell.

So we went to the restaurant, and I hesitantly placed the order of one "Death Burger," and lots of water. Not that the water would help anything, but you are not allowed to consume dairy products, if you wish to get the t-shirt. And after all, the t-shirt was what I was after.

Getting the burger revealed its horror. The smell of hot sauce was overwhelming. Had heard from multiple sources, that it was a good idea to start from the fries, so that's exactly what I did. While spicy, they were reasonably easy to eat, except that they made my tongue feel like it was being burnt. But after all, they were the easy part, especially after deciding, that it wasn't actually "temperature-burn", but only "spice-burn", I finished them quite quickly.

Trying to fight fire with waterAnd then there was the burger. Still smelling of hot sauce. And I don't mean tabasco hot, or texas pete hot. I mean evil hot. Ignoring the warnings of the smell, I dug into the thing. The first bite was not that bad, until the burn spread. I tried hogging in pieces, but after a few had to take a small break. Or maybe a bit longer. Tried to quench the burn with water, but obviously in vain. The clock kept ticking seconds away; after all there was only 30 minutes to finish it. Fortunately I had mates along, who kept me aware of the time. And one that kept saying that water is a mistake.

Empty plateAfter the break, which felt like infinity, and during which the burn only very slightly reduced, I decided to ignore all common sense, and just go with it. After all, I did want the t-shirt. And so I did, I took reasonably sized bits, and ate them as fast as I could. Ignoring any indications, that this is not human food, coming from mouth and stomach. And I kept on going, until there was not a bit left on the plate. And that's when the horror started. Fortunately the waitress was there quite quickly with a glass of milk, which was now allowed, as the beast had been eaten. But unfortunately it did not help much. So I went for the bar to order another one, which did not do much either. And then things took turn for the worse, or at least that's what I thought, and my stomach refused to hold it in any longer.

The next day, however, I realized that it was not a bad thing, but indeed a good thing, and I did not have to cope with the aftermath. And I did get the t-shirt. Huge thanks to my wife for understanding and encouraging. And also the the friend-with-excuses for taking the pictures. The bad quality is not his fault, the restaurant was quite dimly lit. And he did try to consume the burger later on, although despite his valiant efforts, failed. Next try in near future. =)

Now, the same place has this "Ultimate Death Burger", only served during special spicy food theme nights, and one you need to sign a waiver before they serve it...

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